Preparing to Leave Church: Do You Have Everything You Need?
4 Things to Take with You for The Journey
When my wife and I are preparing for a trip, we are very detailed when we pack. We want to remember everything we will need, so we inevitably bring too much stuff. She makes lists on paper, and I make them on my phone. We lay everything out on the bed and go over it a couple of times before putting everything in the luggage. Once we have the car loaded and we begin to leave the driveway, my wife asks, “Do we have everything?” Then we will talk through what we packed and make sure we have it all.
After struggling with the decision and deciding to leave the church, and feeling ready to go, what happens now? Do you have everything you need to get the most out of the journey? Are there things you need to bring with you to be present in the process, enjoy the trip, and continue to grow? What should you make sure to have with you as you move forward?
Trust Yourself
The first thing you will need is to trust in yourself. Everything you need to be the person you want already exists inside of you. You can grow, change, and handle whatever life throws at you through inner strength, courage, and wisdom. You do need to go to some far-off place to find peace, tranquility, or insight. No matter where you are, you have the opportunity to look within and find the purpose and passion you need for taking the next step.
“For nowhere can you find a more peaceful and less busy retreat than in your own soul.” — Marcus Aurelius (Meditations, 4.3.1)
If you struggle with trusting yourself, you can grow in confidence by consistently taking small steps, celebrating the wins, and fulfilling the commitments you make to yourself. You have never been and never will be powerless. You always have control over your perspective, attitude, and response. What would it look like to permit yourself to believe that you know you best? What if you gave yourself the grace to try, make mistakes, learn about yourself, and try again?
Abandon Outcomes to God
As you prepare for the journey, remember that you plan the trip, but ultimately you do not control the outcome. I have been on trips where flights get canceled, airplanes get diverted to different locations, or delays require me to stay overnight.
I love a sense of safety, so I struggle with wanting control over things that I cannot control. When I engage in an endeavor, I want to know that there is a high probability of success. Fear has kept me from many adventures and opportunities. I genuinely want to have clarity, and most of all, I want control. I wouldn’t say I like the idea of stepping into the unknown or embracing change one step at a time.
John Kavanaugh worked for a short-time with Mother Teresa in Calcutta. John asked Mother Teresa to pray for him, and she asked what he wanted her to pray for. He responded, “Pray that I have clarity.” She said, “No, I will not do that.” When he asked her why, she said, “Clarity is the last thing you are clinging to and must let go of.” When Kavanaugh commented that she always seemed to have the clarity he longed for, she laughed and said, “I have never had clarity; what I have always had is trust. So I will pray that you trust God.”
As you journey into new territory, you may long for clarity and control. The challenge is knowing what you can control, like your attitude and perspective, versus what you cannot control, the outcome. When it comes to results, you will need to abandon these to God and trust in yourself as you enjoy the process and see each experience as an opportunity to experience God’s goodness and grace.
Listen to Your Inner Voice
As you leave the church, continue to listen to your inner voice, the things stirring inside of you, and what the Spirit seeks to emerge in your life. Discernment is not a one-time event but an ongoing process and flow of the Spirit in you. Continue to cultivate the ability to listen to your authentic self. Listening to what is deep within you will require eliminating distractions, getting quiet, and cutting through the mind’s surface thoughts. It also requires listening to what your body and the Spirit are telling you. Each person is different, so learn the environments and habits that support knowing yourself better and listening to your genuine voice. Listening may mean experimenting with other routines and practices to more fully understand yourself.
Take Action on What You Hear
As you trust yourself and listen to your inner voice, you will need to take action on what you hear. My mother was a godly woman with profound wisdom from years of discernment, failure, and persistence. I once shared with her that I thought I knew a step I should take, but after that, I was unclear what to do next, so I thought I would abandon the idea. She said,
“Why do you think that God will give you the next step when you have not taken the first? Take the first step and trust that the second step will appear when you need it. It’s a waste of God’s time to give you more steps if you do not take the first.”
Discernment is an iterative journey. You see a step or feel compelled to a course of action, but you do not know where it will lead or what will happen. With courage, you trust and move forward. It may take time, but as you look and listen, the second step appears, and you move again. Listening and taking action happens over and over again. Eventually, you look back and can see the Divine in the path.
The challenge is taking the first step. You will need to take action without knowing where it will lead and not knowing the second step’s location. You may not have clarity, but you can trust the Divine in you, that you are loved, and God is not fretting over your journey.
You Have Everything You Need
As you leave the church or begin an unknown path, take confidence that you have everything you need for the trip. You have what it takes to live the highest vision of your life and share goodness with others. Trust yourself and that you know what you need while abandoning the need to control the outcomes. Create space and time to listen to your inner, authentic voice and take courageous action on what you hear. As you take the first step, develop the habit of curiosity, looking for the second step. Continue to engage the discernment process to understand what gives you life and how you can share the Divine’s fullness in you with those around you.
- Trust Yourself
- Abandon Outcomes to God
- Listen to Your Inner Voice
- Take Action on What You Hear
- Repeat
May you expect great things from God, and may you see glimpses of God’s goodness and grace in the ordinary events of every day. May you trust yourself, listen to your inner voice, and take action on what you hear. May you see each experience as an opportunity to see God’s love, and may you demonstrate God’s love in every interaction with others. And, may you see the light in all people and reveal the light in you!
What’s After Church (whatsafterchurch.com) supports those reimagining their faith and engaging spirituality, especially after leaving the church or organized religion. Sign up for updates on new articles and resources. Also, receive a free download with registration. Get it here.
